Besser als umgekehrt

Glück

Nichts mehr,

was Dich treibt,

nichts mehr,

was Dich davon abhält,

Dir eine schöne Tasse Tee zu kochen,

Pergolesis Stabat Mater zu hören,

in den Schnee zu blicken,

die Katze zu streicheln,

in dem abgewetzten Sessel zu sitzen,

das Geschirr zu spülen,

achtsam, Stück für Stück,

vielleicht sogar

den Boden zu wischen,

ein Gedicht zu lesen,

in dem vergilbten Buch mit Leineneinband,

vielleicht selbst

ein paar Buchstaben

aufs Papier zu setzen.

> Dieses Gedicht entstand im Herbst 2008 im Rahmen der Poesietherapie-Ausbildung bei Ingeborg Woitsch in Berlin.

Den Teilnehmerinnen waren nur die ersten drei Zeilen als Inspiration für ein eigenes Gedicht vorgegeben.

Das ursprüngliche Gedicht von Peter Härtling liest sich so:

Revolution!

To all the women out there:

Some of us believe that we have to be this and that to be happy.

Some of us believe that we have to be loved by others to be a worthwile person.

Some of us believe that we have to change ourselves to be loved.

Some of us believe that we have to be beautiful, skinny, happy, funny, successful.

Or we believe that we have to be a caring person, a good mother, a good wife, a good girlfriend, a good daughter, a good grandmother.

In relationships we believe that we have to know our partners wishes before they know them. We believe we have to do the first step. We believe we are responsible for keeping the relationship alive. If we are treated lovelessly, we blame ourselves. I was not this and that enough to be loved. We believe that we have to try better to deserve better treatment. We always try to get better. We are never good enough.

We dream about the time when we are a better person: More beautiful, skinny, hairless, with prettier clothes and shoes which are not made for walking, or smarter, more intelligent, we try to stop telling dirty jokes because it's not girlish enough. Swearing is great fun, but girls don't do that. And they never fart. Before they say something wrong, they better keep their mouth shut. A good girl is shy and quiet.

We manage to get still a little bit more adapted to the wishes of whoever - no matter if it's our parents or our friends or our partner. We always try to adapt. It's our great talent. We are so good in adapting that we forget about our own wishes.

Wouldn't it be great to know who we are when we forget about what others think about us?

Lean back and relax, girls. Here are good news for you:

We don't need to be beautiful to enjoy ourselves!

We don't need to be beautiful to enjoy reading a good book.

We don't need to be skinny to unfold our creative talents.

We don't have to wear the most pretty clothes to do our best in a job or project we really like.

We don't need to be the most loveable person in the world to sit at the open window and enjoy the smell of the rain.

We don't need to be someone else to prepare and enjoy a wonderful meal just for ourselves.

If someone doesn't love us as we are, they simply don't love us, but it doesn't matter! It is not our mistake. It's theirs!

If we don't fit into society, it's not us who is wrong. It's society - full of cruel, stupid, oppressing rules for women - and even for men.

Everyone of us is beautiful and perfect. It's our strength that makes us beautiful. Please don't let anyone make yourself weak. Protect yourselves from abusive boyfriends and mothers who must be obeyed. It's your life. Everyone of us has special talents inside - just waiting to be unfolded. Everyone has a complete wonderful life story inside. I see it. Today I see all the possibilities. For all of us.

At the moment I'm reading a book about "wild women". It is called "Women who run with the wolves" (Myths and stories of the wild woman archetype) by Clarissa Pinkola-Estes. Until now I find it inspiring. The friend who recommended it to me is a normal woman - with the difference that she doesn't care for rules about how a woman should be. She has a mustache and she never shaves her legs or armpits. She's a gardener on an organic farm. She comes from work with her old bicycle, with a dirty shirt, a silly sun shade and a pleased smile. She never cares if she's cool. She just does what's right for her.

What this article means for me is something you probably can't just experience by reading. You have to discover it by yourself. You have to feel the power of your wild side - of what's inside you when you - just for a moment - stop to live for other persons. Forget all the rules you have ever heard and live for yourself. Just for a minute, an hour, a day. Try what you can enjoy when you accept yourself as what you are, uncaged from all the rules and wishes that don't belong to you:

A woman, full of special powers. You.

> I wrote this essay in 2007, in a time when I wasn't very happy.

I found myself constantly ruminating about how wrong I was and how much I wasn't how I should be. It was relieving to realize that there are still some good things left when we don't play our roles perfectly – that there is maybe something completely new and powerful to discover when we decide to stop playing any role.

For me, this is one of the most important learning experiences of life: There is no "should".

> You can copy this to share it with the women around you.

Das Gasthaus

Das menschliche Dasein ist ein Gasthaus.

Jeden Morgen ein neuer Gast.

Freude, Depression und Niedertracht

auch ein kurzer Moment von Achtsamkeit

kommt als unverhoffter Besucher.

Begrüße und bewirte sie alle!

Selbst wenn es eine Schar von Sorgen ist,

die gewaltsam Dein Haus

seiner Möbel entledigt,

selbst dann behandle jeden Gast ehrenvoll.

Vielleicht bereitet er dich vor

auf ganz neue Freuden.

Dem dunklen Gedanken, der Scham, der Bosheit

begegne ihnen lachend an der Tür

und lade sie zu Dir ein.

Sei dankbar für jeden, der kommt,

denn alle sind zu Deiner Führung

geschickt worden aus einer anderen Welt.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

~ Rumi, Übersetzung ins Englische von Coleman Barks ~

Lonely Island Letter #1: January 2010

Welcome to the first Lonely Island Letter!

I'm just coming from my new dentist, who – apart from his beautiful looks and his simple friendliness – managed to do something very evil – without any pain. Isn't it interesting how beautiful and bright the world looks after the dentist visit is over? How we can see the beauty in every little detail?

This is the first in a row of monthly letters from my lonely island (except for two wild animals) in Plagwitz. It's an instrument to track how I'm doing, what I'm into, what the people around me are into, what books I read, films I watched and what I'm grateful for in this month, for everyone who wants to know – including myself.

Here we go...

Color of the month January

White. Snow white.

Around me

My parents are preparing their move. Our old house is sold and yet pretty empty, I guess. Makes me sad, as if I'm losing a part of my childhood. Maybe the biggest part.
Matthias is in a good mood, some changes are in development.
Luise has come back from the USA with new plans. Which include not to stay in Germany for a long time.
Weebee has started her everyday creativity blog, look at it! I am looking forward to inspiring entries from my sister in creativity!

What I learned in January

- How to make chicken legs in the oven
- Life is short and you have only one, but this one is your own and you decide what you want to do with it.
- Midday is the best time for mindfulness practice.
- Saturdays are the best days for shopping list collectors.

Books

I started the new year with "Seelen" by Stephenie Meyer (the original is called "the host"). It was thrilling to read, the story based on a fascinating thought experiment: What part of me defines more who I am – for myself and for others: My body? My soul? Both?

It's a good match to the other "end time" books I read in November/December – "The hunger games" by Suzanne Collins, "Die Straße" (The road) by Cormac McCarthy, and, of course, my longtime favourite "Die Lichtung" (Into the forest) by Jean Hegland.

At the moment I'm reading "Die Bücherdiebin (The book thief) by Markus Zusak. I like the language, and the story is quite absorbing. As ist is mostly a book about father and daughter, would maybe a nice present for a father (mine?)

Movies

I am rewatching Season 1 & 2 of the german crime series KDD-Kriminaldauerdienst, before watching the third and last season on TV. I like it's hyper-realistic style, but it's dangerously addictive - especially for something that will not continue after season 3.

What I'm into at the moment

Mindfulness practice (MBSR). A vague longing to Berlin and the poetry therapy course in that beautiful studio in Kreuzberg. Some unpleasant things bout being sick, being paid while sick, finding a health resort, Steuererklärung, having my teeth made, worrying about the future.

Oh, and chicken leg recipes of course.

New in January:

- My first breakfast at Cafe Cantona.
- I developed a fondness for chicken legs.

- I made my first Paté Chinois, a recipe from Quebec. Une bonne bouffe pour les jours froids!
- First time in Kosmos Sauna after renovation. Still prefer Sauna im See, to be honest.
- First Kneipentatort. Im Kap West. Oder bei Horns Erben.

- First concert of the new gospel choir, I sang a solo!

- Due to my car being stuck in the snow for quite a while, I made some experiences with public transport, something I usually avoid as good as I can. Surprisingly it had at least three positive effects on my life:

1) Arriving in time. 2) Go for a walk every day, fresh air and daylight!

3) Slowing down: I had to start earlier, then I sat in the bus or train, than I had to walk a bit, then I was there in time. It all needed more time, but it felt as if I am given time at the same time.

Question of the month

How can I make peace with my childhood house being sold?

Wisdom of the month

Things you do without a reason have the most potential to include meaning.

My special thanks in january go to

Matthias for extraordinarily amusing and vivid evenings.

Mr. S., as always, for wisdom and some nasty smiles.

Nancy for sharing her photos so that I know that a person I care about is still alive.

David for a New Year's letter. He sent it to me although it's in french. I'm sure he knows I'll find a way to read it.

Pataks for the wonderful indian curries.

Meinem Steuerberater for helping me with the Einkommenssteuererklärung.

Future plans

- Continue my mindfulness practice.
- Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.
- Enjoy life.
- Learn to live with little money
- Keep away from facebook.

Wish you all a creative february,

Stefka

Beipackzettel

Du bist Wissenschaftlerin und hast ein neues, wichtiges Medikament entwickelt, das auf der Welt dringend gebraucht wird. Auf einem Kongress stellst Du das neue Heilmittel vor.

Die Zuhörer wollen wissen, für wen das Medikament gedacht ist und was es bewirkt – auch auf lange Sicht. Wirkt das Heilmittel nur in der Gegenwart, oder hat es auch eine Wirkung auf Vergangenheit und Zukunft des Patienten? Was ist für Dich der wichtigste Aspekt der neuen Arznei?

30-45 Minuten. Viel Spaß!

Und hier ist meins.

Selbstliebosan®

Ein Medikament zur sofortigen Weckung verlorengegangener Selbstliebe.

Anwendungsgebiete:

Bei psychischen Leiden wie Depression, Angst, chronischem Missmut oder Ärger. Auch bei Beziehungsproblemen. Überall dort, wo eine selbstliebende Haltung gefordert ist.

Wirkung:

Selbstliebosan® bewirkt ein sofortiges Ansteigen des Selbstliebe-Pegels. Die entsprechenden Hirn- und Herzareale werden nachhaltig angeregt. Einmal erzielte Wirkungen sind dauerhaft.

Die Patienten merken meist ein sofortiges Nachlassen ihres Minderwertigkeitsgefühls. Sie bekommen wieder Lust am Leben und trauen sich neue Dinge zu. Sie vertreten klar ihre Meinung und können liebevolle, auf Unabhängigkeit beruhende Beziehungen eingehen. Sie erziehen couragierte, selbstbewusste Kinder.

Nebenwirkungen:

Hang zur Selbstverwöhnung. Manche Patienten ziehen sich von der Menschheit zurück, sind dabei aber glücklich, weil sie sich selbst genug sind.

Besonderheiten:

Durch eine neuartige Technik ist es uns gelungen, die Wirkung auf Vergangenheit und Zukunft auszudehnen. Nach Einnahme von Selbstliebosan® vergessen die Patienten, dass sie eine schlechte oder von Unsicherheit geprägte Kindheit hatten. Sie können sich plötzlich fühlen und verhalten, als seien sie ihr Leben lang geliebt worden.

Selbstliebosan® wirkt auch im Vorfeld von Missgeschicken bis hin zu Traumata. Unter Selbstliebosan® können schlimme Erlebnisse auf gesunde Weise betrauert und bedauert werden, ohne dass der Patient die Schuld auf sich nimmt.

Hinweis des Herstellers:

Selbstliebosan® löst unser vorheriges Präparat Liebosan® ab, da Selbstliebosan® die Wirkung von Liebosan® automatisch mit abdeckt.

Dieser Text entstand im Herbst 2008 bei der Poesietherapie-Ausbildung bei Ingeborg Woitsch in Berlin. Ebenfalls im Gespräch war eine "Kofferpille", die es ermöglicht, den Inhalt von Koffern und Taschen Mitreisender auf einen Blick zu erfassen und darüber schnell Verständnis für deren persönliche Situation zu entwickeln.

Die Original-Schreibanregung stammt aus dem sehr empfehlenswerten Buch "Kreatives und therapeutisches Schreiben" von Silke Heimes.